


Guilt

by emotionaloversuperheroes



Category: Free!, Iwatobi Swim Club - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionaloversuperheroes/pseuds/emotionaloversuperheroes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short Rin based fic with a mention of MakoRin at the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilt

There are many nights when Rin is alone and he feels guilty. Not in the way he feels guilty when he snaps at Nitori and the boy resembles a kicked puppy. It’s a visceral, heart wrenching guilt that drains all of his energy, like he’s guilty purely for existing. He’ll curl in on himself and all of his transgressions will flood him. He alienated his friends. He took swimming away from Haru. He’d made Rei feel out of place. He’d dampened Nagisa’s enthusiasm. He’d trampled all over Makoto’s concern for him. He makes Gou worry. The delight on her face when they do anything together is obvious and if he were a better brother, it wouldn’t be so rare. His mother doesn’t know how much he appreciates everything she does for him, because of his inability to find the right words.  
His father’s dream is still out of reach, no matter how hard he tries.

Rin doesn’t want to die, he owes too many people too much for that, but sometimes it feels too painful to exist any more. Rin will bury himself in covers, eyes open in the dark, blankly staring, not seeing anything. His breathing will be shallow and ragged. The gnawing raw feeling inside of him will threaten to engulf his entire life. He’ll remember how much everyone cares and tries for him. It’ll make him feel worse. Maybe he can run it off.  
It turns out he can’t.

There are many nights when Rin tries to escape his thoughts, tries to move faster than them, tries to push his body past exhaustion so that his mind can’t function. Tonight wasn’t one of them.  
Tonight, he was letting his lover console him. Draped over the taller teen’s chest as Makoto stroked his hair and read aloud to him, he took solace in the connection. He’d trampled all over Makoto’s concern for him, but Makoto kept coming back, refusing to give up on the redhead. Some nights Rin’s mistakes will flood him. Some nights Rin will feel guilty down to his bones, apologetic for being alive. Some nights Rin will feel guilty, but he’ll never be alone.


End file.
